Men are the best friends to have while safeguarding their philandering interests. Alex, an industrialist in his 60s, saw the potential of his first son as a business guy when he made excellent success of his secondary school exams. Getting him a place in one of the universities abroad was a piece of cake.
Alex finished his masters in business admin. and immediately invited his son, Francis, to join the firm.
‘Glad to,’ responded Francis ‘because I had assisted several times when I was on holiday.
I was 25, with the world at my feet when dad put me in charge of manufacturing, a department I’d worked with on and off. We were a family of six kids and Dad thought the world of Mom. We were a tight family and shared each other’s success and grief. The day all this changed I was in dad’s office talking about really thorny difficulties when he left me to things and went off to an appointment he had earlier. Still thinking in calculations I reached for the phone absentmindedly and as it rang a female voice purred. ‘Hello dear workaholic. When are you going to show yourself?’ ‘Betty’s dying to see the stuff you brought back for her from your last trip. “Excuse me,” I said, bewildered, “who are you, exactly? “Oh, sorry,” said this refined voice, “figured the MD was still in his office. “Tell him, Sola, his wife called. Then she rang off. Obviously she thought I was only a member of staff.
“I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. Of course I immediately surmised that Sola, the ‘wife’, was my dad’s mistress. But who is Betty? It required plenty of diplomacy to learn that most of the staff knew Sola as my dad’s second ‘wife’ and Betty was their daughter. Then I knew that a serpent had entered the garden of Eden where my family dwelt. Poor Mom, she’d given up a good profession in nursing to bring up us kids. How could dad do this to her? To us? He’d drilled it into his kids throughout the years how crucial it was to be above board and be fair in how we treat other human beings. Certainly, he considered deception a sin. Where do we go from here? ” I’m afraid to even think about facing dad, let alone getting mum and my siblings involved. It would ruin the idyllic family we now take for granted …? I assured Francis I’d think about his situation.
Then I thought I shouldn’t be giving the answers all the time so I asked a few folks. Yemisi, a married mother of three, was the first to speak. She informed me, “My first word to the ‘baby’ graduate is, he ain’t seen nothing yet! “I find it difficult to believe that we still have a gentleman like his father in Nigeria”.
In addition to being a successful businessman, he provides well for his number one family and still loves his wife after almost thirty years of marriage. For this alone he deserves ‘Best father of the century’ award. Once again he attempts to hide his indiscretions from his family as much as he can. I think he does not want to take this away from his first son too long. If not he would not. Have asked him to work for him knowing full well his mistress visits his office so regularly.
I think this man is a parent in a million. Though he has a child outside his matrimonial house which is awful enough. But then let us explore our minds and see. How many dads have affairs and still can have a good home? How many guys after 30 years of marriage still respect their wives and love them that much? We have not known many men to deny such a story to a son whom they had trained, clothed and fed.
“If all of us compare our family lives to this man’s (I don’t mean the newly married or those who are five years old in the biz) we would realise that this gentleman deserves an applause from us all. Experience is, after all, said to be the finest teacher and he is not a hypocrite for advising his children to behave correctly. So this man who has been in this sort of turmoil, I think I am the ideal person to advise the young ones.
“To the big ‘babe’, I say grow up — and talk more to your elderly dad about his ‘problem’. He needs your advise as much as you require his. You must create and publish your own love story after 30 years of marriage. In the meantime, let sleeping dogs lie. And when the time comes, you’ll be the one to tell and give your elderly mom the strength to take the shock of a supposed betrayal…”
Justice’s male opinion is normal. He is a 46-year-old lecturer. In his opinion, if you’ve got the money it’s no sin to have a well-established marital family and also to take up with another woman and rent her a house. Polygamy is an African tradition that is important and we have received it from our forefathers. Being a huge man in the traditional community, Alex is expected to have not less than 20 wives. Polygamy is an African cultural institution that is inherited and must keep evolving in the face of civilised habits of modernity and religious preaching.
“Just because he advised his children to follow strict religious principles and to run away from immoral and scandalous behaviour does not mean that he himself is innocent. He wanted his children to be up to standard & have a bright future.
“I think I would strongly advise the son not to tell his mother, but to try and be very friendly and intimate with Sola and his father, helping sometimes to iron out their differences. It would be foolish and unjust if the son were to despise his father and Sola for this. And if he tells his mother he’s going to be a prodigal son. He must follow this counsel because he himself does not sure what girls he will find in his quest for wedded bliss.”
*Bunmi Sofola is a writer for Sunday Vanguard
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