UK • ENGLAND • USA • NIGERIA • TRINIDAD & TOBAGO
ERELU TÚNWÀṢẸ SERIES
VUL 002
WEAK MEN WHO LIVE WITH BULLIES CALLED WIVES
A MAN WHO LIVES AS A HUMILIATED PRISONER INSTEAD OF THE HEAD OF HIS OWN HOME.
MUMMY, A MANAGE ARA WA NI.
WHAT IS HE MANAGING?
Is he managing a wife who bullies him?
A wife who dictates when he must leave home and when he must return?
A wife who decides whom he may visit or speak to?
A wife who locks him out of his own home?
Is he managing humiliation, intimidation, fear and the loss of his personal freedom?
OR IS HE MANAGING A MARRIAGE THAT HAS BECOME A PRISON?
Why should a man endure these conditions simply to be regarded as a good husband?
A MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE IS NOT A LICENCE TO CONTROL, HUMILIATE OR IMPRISON ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.
THE EXPECTATION OF STRENGTH
From childhood, society teaches boys that they must grow into strong men.
They are expected to provide, protect, endure hardship and take responsibility for others.
A man may become a husband, father, grandfather, employer, community leader or even a king.
Society sees his position, responsibilities and authority.
But beneath those titles is a human being.
He needs companionship, affection, dignity, security, freedom and peace of mind.
His responsibilities do not remove those needs.
BEING A MAN DOES NOT REMOVE THE RIGHT TO BE PROTECTED.
THE SILENCE OF MEN
In my encounters with men across different societies, I have noticed something troubling.
Some men are reluctant to discuss their personal circumstances.
They may admit that things are difficult but quickly dismiss their suffering.
Others speak privately about their unhappiness while maintaining a completely different appearance in public.
Some fear embarrassment.
Some fear losing access to their children.
Some worry about their property and financial security.
Others fear the consequences of challenging the circumstances within their own homes.
And some simply believe that enduring hardship is part of being a man.
When a man tells me, Mummy, a manage ara wa ni, I cannot simply accept those words and move on.
I want to understand what he is managing and why he believes he must continue enduring it.
MEN IN PRISON INSTEAD OF A MARITAL HOME
Some men enter marriage expecting companionship, affection, respect and peace.
Instead, they discover that their marital home has become a prison.
Their wives dictate when they should leave the house and when they must return.
They decide whom their husbands may visit, whom they may speak to and whom they must avoid.
Some men are even locked out of their own homes.
IS THIS MARRIAGE OR IMPRISONMENT?
Who taught some women that becoming a wife gives them authority to control another adult?
Who taught them that marriage means supervising a husband as though he were a child?
There is a difference between expressing concern for a husband’s safety and controlling his freedom.
There is a difference between discussing when a spouse will return home and imposing a curfew.
MARRIAGE IS COMPANIONSHIP, NOT IMPRISONMENT.
A wife is not a prison officer.
A husband is not a prisoner.
MEN WHO LIVE WITH PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSIVE WIVES
Some men live with wives whose bullying, intimidation and controlling behaviour undermine their psychological wellbeing.
Their homes become places of anxiety rather than peace.
They are humiliated, threatened or subjected to restrictions on their personal freedom.
Yet they may continue to describe their marriages as successful.
Psychological abuse must not be confused with mental illness. A person who bullies a spouse is not necessarily mentally ill, and having a mental illness does not automatically make someone abusive.
It is the harmful behaviour that must be recognised and addressed.
A MAN SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE A PRISONER TO PROVE THAT HE IS A GOOD HUSBAND.
WHEN PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE AFFECTS A MAN’S SEXUAL HEALTH
Some men live with wives whose constant bullying, intimidation, humiliation and controlling behaviour turn their marital homes into places of fear.
HOW CAN A MAN ENJOY INTIMACY WITH A WOMAN HE HAS COME TO FEAR?
How can affection flourish where there is constant humiliation?
How can sexual desire survive where companionship has been replaced by intimidation?
Prolonged stress, anxiety and emotional distress can contribute to erectile dysfunction.
A man who is continually subjected to psychological abuse may experience a loss of sexual desire, difficulty maintaining an erection or fear of intimacy.
Erectile dysfunction can also result from physical health conditions, medications and other factors. It must not automatically be attributed to a wife’s behaviour, and persistent symptoms deserve medical assessment.
Nevertheless, the possible consequences of psychological abuse for men’s sexual health deserve serious attention.
And when a man experiences erectile difficulties, does his wife recognise his distress?
Or does she subject him to further ridicule, humiliation and accusations?
A WIFE WHO CONTINUALLY HUMILIATES HER HUSBAND CANNOT ASSUME THAT HIS EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL WELLBEING WILL REMAIN UNAFFECTED.
PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE DOES NOT STOP AT THE BEDROOM DOOR.
THE MAN WHO WANTS TO BE SEEN AS A GOOD HUSBAND
I have encountered men who appear more concerned about being seen as good husbands than about protecting their own dignity and wellbeing.
They do not want their marriages to fail.
They do not want society to accuse them of abandoning their wives.
They want to be regarded as responsible men.
Consequently, some accept behaviour from their wives that they would never tolerate from another person.
They endure humiliation, intimidation and restrictions on their freedom.
But for how long must a man continue managing a relationship that is causing him harm?
BEING A GOOD HUSBAND MUST NOT REQUIRE A MAN TO SURRENDER HIS HUMAN DIGNITY.
A WOMAN DOES NOT BECOME A GOOD WIFE BY BECOMING HER HUSBAND’S BULLY.
A MAN DOES NOT BECOME A GOOD HUSBAND BY SUBMITTING TO BULLYING.
Erelu Túnwàṣẹ
A Traditional Spiritualist & Listener to People in Distress
🇬🇧 🏴 🇺🇸 🇳🇬 🇹🇹
UK • ENGLAND • USA • NIGERIA • TRINIDAD & TOBAGO
24 October 2026
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